YDH (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} adamopoulos) wrote,@ 2006-10-23 20:49:00 |
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A Good Old Fashioned Kirk-Out
Once in awhile, my job requires that I visit a client site in downtown D.C. In these cases, I get up really early and ride the metro instead of driving in to avoid the abysmal D.C. traffic. Well, this morning a few weeks ago started this way, but the commute home was a bit more complicated. One would think reversing a mass transit commute would be easy, but apparently not.
At 4pm, I return to the metro. It should be noted that D.C.'s metro system requires the purchase of either a rechargeable paper ticket or the use of a prepaid SmarTrip card. I used the latter, because you must also use your SmarTrip card to exit the parking garage as it is unmanned. I get on the metro, and realize that I got on the green line instead of the yellow line. Yes, stupid, yet this will be the least of the inconveniences that await me. Cut me a break, I was really tired. I get off, get on the green the other way, and ride back to where I started. I lost about 10 minutes. Ok, start over. Now I take the yellow line.
Everything is going fine, except for the fact that my stop was at the end of the line, and when I got there, I was zoned out and didn't realize that I was there, and just made it out of the metro before the doors closed to take me back into the opposite direction. Now I am starting to get annoyed at my own stupidity and general incoherence. It continues. I go up an escalator, all the while thinking to myself, "hmm, I remember going up an escalator this morning...shouldn't I be going DOWN an escalator?" I chalk it up to fatigue and continue to the parking garage. Nothing looks familiar. I was already picturing milk cartons with my face on them.
I ask a woman what station I'm at just to make sure. It turns out that I was at the right station, but there are two sides you can exit on, and I was at the wrong garage. The only was I could get back to the right garage was to go back into the station, and use my SmarTrip card to go through the gates. I have approximately $5 left on my card, and think to myself, "no worries, it won't charge me since I'm technically getting off at the same station I am starting at, and I have more than the requisite $3.75 to exit the parking garage."
I enter the station through one end, and use my card to exit. We will ignore the fact that I spent another 10 minutes trying to find my car. As you can guess, I am very close to flipping out, but I can't because up until now, every one of my mistakes were my own fault. I get in my car, and sighed with relief knowing that it should all be downhill from here.
I pull up to the garage gate and wave my card in front of the reader. BUZZ! REJECTED! *NOT ENOUGH FUNDS*
The fucking thing charged me for going NOWHERE, and now I had less than $3.75 on my card. I could have fried an egg against my face.
I sit there and stare at the closed gate in front of me. Remember, nobody inside the booth. You can only pay with the card. Oh, but wait, there's a button here with a sign that says "Push for assistance." I push the button. Have you ever seen a run-down doorbell such that when you push the button, simply from the way the button depresses, you can just tell that isn't functional? Yes, this was one of those buttons. Nobody was coming to help me. Well, as you might have guessed, a car comes behind me and grows impatient as I am stuck. Finally, as anticipated, he honks his horn. You would think that this was where I snapped, but no. It was when he started yelling out his window...
Guy: "Come on, what the hell are you doing, moron?!"
I will do my best to present a solid visual. From all of the events I just described, I looked like a mess. So you can imagine what I looked like as I stuck my head out my driver's window, whipped my head around, my hair all in my face and a demonic look in my eyes....
YDH (shouting loudly with careful, slow anunciation): "SHUT...
THE FUCK
UP
MY CARD ISN'T WORKING
YOU SON OF A BITCH
I WILL END YOUR LIFE!!"
Guy: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, sorry!"
He quickly rolls up his window. It turned out that this was just a weenie businessman as opposed to someone with mental issues of equal or greater levels than my own, but I just didn't care either way at that point. At this point a line of cars have formed behind me. I do the only thing I can at this point, and throw my car into reverse. I continue to verbally assualt my friend who yelled at me..
YDH: "The little white lights on the back of my car mean you MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!"
The cars behind him move as well, allowing me a path to back up. My friend comes around me to the right, and I realize that his window was opened a bit and his mouth was open as though he was going to get the last word. I quickly open my passenger window, and right before he talks, I point and say,
"DON'T SAY A FUCKING WORD, JUST LEAVE THE GARAGE."
His mouth closes, his window goes up, and his card works, allowing him to leave the garage. Lucky bastard. I had to go back, park, put more money on my card, and I was finally able to escape from the parking prison.
Ugh.
But don't be alarmed, kids, I'm a nice, even-tempered individual. Anyone who experienced what I did would have flipped out. Right? RIGHT? I said, RIGHT? FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH READER! DON'T SAY A FUCKING WORD, JUST LEAVE THIS ENTRY!
-YDH
Once in awhile, my job requires that I visit a client site in downtown D.C. In these cases, I get up really early and ride the metro instead of driving in to avoid the abysmal D.C. traffic. Well, this morning a few weeks ago started this way, but the commute home was a bit more complicated. One would think reversing a mass transit commute would be easy, but apparently not.
At 4pm, I return to the metro. It should be noted that D.C.'s metro system requires the purchase of either a rechargeable paper ticket or the use of a prepaid SmarTrip card. I used the latter, because you must also use your SmarTrip card to exit the parking garage as it is unmanned. I get on the metro, and realize that I got on the green line instead of the yellow line. Yes, stupid, yet this will be the least of the inconveniences that await me. Cut me a break, I was really tired. I get off, get on the green the other way, and ride back to where I started. I lost about 10 minutes. Ok, start over. Now I take the yellow line.
Everything is going fine, except for the fact that my stop was at the end of the line, and when I got there, I was zoned out and didn't realize that I was there, and just made it out of the metro before the doors closed to take me back into the opposite direction. Now I am starting to get annoyed at my own stupidity and general incoherence. It continues. I go up an escalator, all the while thinking to myself, "hmm, I remember going up an escalator this morning...shouldn't I be going DOWN an escalator?" I chalk it up to fatigue and continue to the parking garage. Nothing looks familiar. I was already picturing milk cartons with my face on them.
I ask a woman what station I'm at just to make sure. It turns out that I was at the right station, but there are two sides you can exit on, and I was at the wrong garage. The only was I could get back to the right garage was to go back into the station, and use my SmarTrip card to go through the gates. I have approximately $5 left on my card, and think to myself, "no worries, it won't charge me since I'm technically getting off at the same station I am starting at, and I have more than the requisite $3.75 to exit the parking garage."
I enter the station through one end, and use my card to exit. We will ignore the fact that I spent another 10 minutes trying to find my car. As you can guess, I am very close to flipping out, but I can't because up until now, every one of my mistakes were my own fault. I get in my car, and sighed with relief knowing that it should all be downhill from here.
I pull up to the garage gate and wave my card in front of the reader. BUZZ! REJECTED! *NOT ENOUGH FUNDS*
The fucking thing charged me for going NOWHERE, and now I had less than $3.75 on my card. I could have fried an egg against my face.
I sit there and stare at the closed gate in front of me. Remember, nobody inside the booth. You can only pay with the card. Oh, but wait, there's a button here with a sign that says "Push for assistance." I push the button. Have you ever seen a run-down doorbell such that when you push the button, simply from the way the button depresses, you can just tell that isn't functional? Yes, this was one of those buttons. Nobody was coming to help me. Well, as you might have guessed, a car comes behind me and grows impatient as I am stuck. Finally, as anticipated, he honks his horn. You would think that this was where I snapped, but no. It was when he started yelling out his window...
Guy: "Come on, what the hell are you doing, moron?!"
I will do my best to present a solid visual. From all of the events I just described, I looked like a mess. So you can imagine what I looked like as I stuck my head out my driver's window, whipped my head around, my hair all in my face and a demonic look in my eyes....
YDH (shouting loudly with careful, slow anunciation): "SHUT...
THE FUCK
UP
MY CARD ISN'T WORKING
YOU SON OF A BITCH
I WILL END YOUR LIFE!!"
Guy: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, sorry!"
He quickly rolls up his window. It turned out that this was just a weenie businessman as opposed to someone with mental issues of equal or greater levels than my own, but I just didn't care either way at that point. At this point a line of cars have formed behind me. I do the only thing I can at this point, and throw my car into reverse. I continue to verbally assualt my friend who yelled at me..
YDH: "The little white lights on the back of my car mean you MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!"
The cars behind him move as well, allowing me a path to back up. My friend comes around me to the right, and I realize that his window was opened a bit and his mouth was open as though he was going to get the last word. I quickly open my passenger window, and right before he talks, I point and say,
"DON'T SAY A FUCKING WORD, JUST LEAVE THE GARAGE."
His mouth closes, his window goes up, and his card works, allowing him to leave the garage. Lucky bastard. I had to go back, park, put more money on my card, and I was finally able to escape from the parking prison.
Ugh.
But don't be alarmed, kids, I'm a nice, even-tempered individual. Anyone who experienced what I did would have flipped out. Right? RIGHT? I said, RIGHT? FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH READER! DON'T SAY A FUCKING WORD, JUST LEAVE THIS ENTRY!
-YDH
