YDH (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} adamopoulos) wrote,@ 2006-08-24 01:45:00 |
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YDH Sustains Injury
Normally at this advanced hour, Your Drinking Hero would either be out on the town or fast asleep, but certainly not updating his Super Journal. Well, tonight shall be an exception, as I have something important to talk about. And no, I am not going to discuss how a certain someone in Atlanta is inexplicably and unceremoniously no-selling yours truly. No, friends, a travesty has befallen YDH.
As some of you already know, as a former player of the sport of rugby, I have temporarily switched over to a rougher sport - kickball. Yes, we have adult leagues all over the area of DC. It's actually a pretty good time. Anyway, while playing first base, a ball was kicked short and was seemingly uncatchable to the normal athlete, but with a few quick strides combined with a condor-like reach, I was able to dive and catch the ball, which I can modestly say was a superhuman feat. Unfortunately, one of the casualties of greatness was my pinky finger. There it was, just dangling downward. It looked like someone just told it an embarrassing story and it was sinking its head in shame.
So, having jammed my fingers multiple times from being a soccer goalie as well as a basketball player, I deduced that the finger was either badly jammed or broken. As I write this entry, I cannot type at my normal breakneck speeds of 10,000 WPM. No, I am limited to a paltry 70 WPM, give or take, with more than the usual mistake / backspace combos.
After the game, I went to the bar for a bit, applied ice, and left about an hour and a half later. After a few people told me that I really should just go to the emergency room, I obliged. Yes, I am going to swallow my pride and go to the emergency room for a fucking pinky finger. As always, I proceed to be a goof ball to the triage nurse..
YDH: Will I need a wheelchair or a stretcher?
Nurse: Um...
YDH: Yeah I'm surprised I made it here. I would have called 9-1-1 but as a rule I only dial with this here pinky.
Nurse: Well, we are all thankful for that. Do you have any allergies to medicines? Any significant medical condition? Have you had a tetanus shot recently?
YDH: No, No, and I am here for a messed up finger. I did not step on a rusty nail in the woods.
Nurse: It's protocol. We have some nurses here who are really anal.
YDH: You have anal nurses here?
Nurse: Yeah, some of them are really detail oriented an enforce some really odd policies.
YDH: How does one go about becoming an anal nurse? More importantly, if I were to go to analnurses.com, what would I find?
Nurse: .......... ok, uh, can you tell me how much you weigh?
YDH: 205 soaking wet.
Nurse: Great, I would actually like to know how much you weigh bone dry.
YDH: Oh, my bad. 210.
Nurse: Oh, ok - wait, that doesn't make sense! How can you be heavier wh-----
YDH: 210
Nurse: Fine, I give up. What are you, anyway, a comedian?
(I didn't have the heart to tell her)
I get X-Rayed. Finally, a doctor who looks and talks exactly like Rick Moranis comes out and informs me that he found no break in the X-Rays. He squeezes and bends my finger a bunch of different ways, and still finds nothing. He asks me multiple times if my finger just normally looks like that and I simply never noticed it. I barely refrain from breaking my other hand on his lousy actor lookalike face for asking such ridiculous questions. He goes to find another doctor. The second doctor does a few tests with me, and immediately determines that I have torn a tendon in my finger, which is significantly worse than a break. After splinting it, they refer me to a hand specialist who will determine if I need surgery ON MY PINKY FINGER!
Why couldn't I just break the damn thing like a normal person? And have done so on another sport that I play like rugby or basketball...no, I have to tell people it was kickball, which ranks somewhere on the roughness scale between standing still and moonwalking for distance.
Fear not, loyal YDH supporters. Beginning tomorrow I will keep all of you updated with the YDH Pinky Support Network (YDHPSN). Or I will lose interest in writing about this situation entirely and you won't get updated at all. We shall see. The good news is that my damaged pinky and I will still be ready for Wednesday, August 30th, so you better be too.
-YDH
Normally at this advanced hour, Your Drinking Hero would either be out on the town or fast asleep, but certainly not updating his Super Journal. Well, tonight shall be an exception, as I have something important to talk about. And no, I am not going to discuss how a certain someone in Atlanta is inexplicably and unceremoniously no-selling yours truly. No, friends, a travesty has befallen YDH.
As some of you already know, as a former player of the sport of rugby, I have temporarily switched over to a rougher sport - kickball. Yes, we have adult leagues all over the area of DC. It's actually a pretty good time. Anyway, while playing first base, a ball was kicked short and was seemingly uncatchable to the normal athlete, but with a few quick strides combined with a condor-like reach, I was able to dive and catch the ball, which I can modestly say was a superhuman feat. Unfortunately, one of the casualties of greatness was my pinky finger. There it was, just dangling downward. It looked like someone just told it an embarrassing story and it was sinking its head in shame.
So, having jammed my fingers multiple times from being a soccer goalie as well as a basketball player, I deduced that the finger was either badly jammed or broken. As I write this entry, I cannot type at my normal breakneck speeds of 10,000 WPM. No, I am limited to a paltry 70 WPM, give or take, with more than the usual mistake / backspace combos.
After the game, I went to the bar for a bit, applied ice, and left about an hour and a half later. After a few people told me that I really should just go to the emergency room, I obliged. Yes, I am going to swallow my pride and go to the emergency room for a fucking pinky finger. As always, I proceed to be a goof ball to the triage nurse..
YDH: Will I need a wheelchair or a stretcher?
Nurse: Um...
YDH: Yeah I'm surprised I made it here. I would have called 9-1-1 but as a rule I only dial with this here pinky.
Nurse: Well, we are all thankful for that. Do you have any allergies to medicines? Any significant medical condition? Have you had a tetanus shot recently?
YDH: No, No, and I am here for a messed up finger. I did not step on a rusty nail in the woods.
Nurse: It's protocol. We have some nurses here who are really anal.
YDH: You have anal nurses here?
Nurse: Yeah, some of them are really detail oriented an enforce some really odd policies.
YDH: How does one go about becoming an anal nurse? More importantly, if I were to go to analnurses.com, what would I find?
Nurse: .......... ok, uh, can you tell me how much you weigh?
YDH: 205 soaking wet.
Nurse: Great, I would actually like to know how much you weigh bone dry.
YDH: Oh, my bad. 210.
Nurse: Oh, ok - wait, that doesn't make sense! How can you be heavier wh-----
YDH: 210
Nurse: Fine, I give up. What are you, anyway, a comedian?
(I didn't have the heart to tell her)
I get X-Rayed. Finally, a doctor who looks and talks exactly like Rick Moranis comes out and informs me that he found no break in the X-Rays. He squeezes and bends my finger a bunch of different ways, and still finds nothing. He asks me multiple times if my finger just normally looks like that and I simply never noticed it. I barely refrain from breaking my other hand on his lousy actor lookalike face for asking such ridiculous questions. He goes to find another doctor. The second doctor does a few tests with me, and immediately determines that I have torn a tendon in my finger, which is significantly worse than a break. After splinting it, they refer me to a hand specialist who will determine if I need surgery ON MY PINKY FINGER!
Why couldn't I just break the damn thing like a normal person? And have done so on another sport that I play like rugby or basketball...no, I have to tell people it was kickball, which ranks somewhere on the roughness scale between standing still and moonwalking for distance.
Fear not, loyal YDH supporters. Beginning tomorrow I will keep all of you updated with the YDH Pinky Support Network (YDHPSN). Or I will lose interest in writing about this situation entirely and you won't get updated at all. We shall see. The good news is that my damaged pinky and I will still be ready for Wednesday, August 30th, so you better be too.
-YDH
