YDH (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} adamopoulos) wrote,@ 2006-05-30 21:39:00 |
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Why my company shouldn't put me on travel: La Crosse, WI
I just want to congratulate myself for the tremendous amount of effort I have been putting into updating my web writings. I couldn't have done it without me.
So, the next leg of my seemingly endless travel was to La Crosse, Wisconsin. I must be honest with you all, I was certainly not looking forward to going to any place out in the midwest, much less one in Wisconsin. Let me tell you, I was pleasantly surprised with an entertaining week.
The people out there are some of the friendliest people you will ever meet. Seriously, nobody is in a rush, people will stop and chat about anything and everything, and are polite. Yeah, what I'm saying is that you coastal people are dicks. Get this, people actually slow down when you put your turn signal on and let you in. I was extremely surprised by such behavior, and due to my NJ and DC road habits, I thought it was a trap. No sir, just some good old-fashioned courtesy.
Let's see, what else makes La Crosse, WI special? Well, it just so happens that at one point in recent history, La Crosse was ranked #1 in the Guinness Book of World Records for MOST BARS IN A ONE MILE STRETCH. Yes, YDH has found a home in the midwest. More on the bar scene shortly.
I was traveling with a different coworker this time. Guy named Dan, probably in his late fifties or so. Good guy. On the client side was this guy named John. I would describe him as a pretty cool guy, late thirties, black. I mention the latter because, well, remember where we are. Anyway, since I'm traveling with a somewhat different age demographic this time, I adopted a system for the week where I would go out with these guys in the early evening, then drop them off, then go out on my own later.
One of the nights we all went out together, I was driving us out to 3rd street, where all of the bars are. I was driving what I felt was a reasonable speed on the main drag. Suddenly, on come the lights behind me, and I get pulled over. Yep. I'm about to experience the midwest's version of the "law". Dan and John are finding this amusing. I am pissed. To make matters worse, a beat up Oldsmobile with a unicycle attached to the back drives past, and the driver yells, "Ha haaaa!" It would seem as though Wisconsin has a real-life Nelson.
Out of the car comes a rather obese cop. Takes my license, and returns to his car. 43 in a 25. Apparently no road in the state is much above the speed of 25. I was convinced that this cop is going to write me the worst ticket simply due to the fact that he had to walk his fat ass from his car to mine and back. After a good ten minutes, he finally returns with my license and a yellow piece of paper in his hand.
Dammit.
Cop: Your license is about to expire.
YDH: Yes, in honor of my 26th birthday I might add.
(He no-sells the joke. Good for him.. in retrospect, it wasn't that funny)
Cop: I'm giving you a warning.
YDH: !!!!!!!!
Ok, first of all, I was out of state. Waaaaay out of state. Second of all, I look like a douchebag such that if any of you were a cop, you would NEVER give me a warning. It was especially bad this evening: Hair pulled into a pony-tail, hawaiian shirt, visor on backwards. Yeah. The complete antithesis of the traffic warning candidate.
He informed me that if he did in fact write me a ticket that it would have been for $150. Ok, fair enough. He went on to say that I would have been required to pay it on the spot.. or go to jail. What?! Yes, apparently in a state such as WI, they have no way to force an out of state dmv to enforce their tickets, so they collect on the spot or they haul your ass off to jail. Welcome to the midwest.
We continued to the bar as I keep my eyes peeled for Nelson in hopes that I could show him my warning and tell him that he can take his "ha haaa" and poke his grundle with it. No such luck. He must have switched over to his unicycle.
We arrive at this bar called Del's, a pretty cool place where most of the college kids hung out. Dan was to the right of me, and John to his right. Three rather attractive girls sit down to my left, and notice the warning that is sitting next to my beer, and inquire about it. I tell them the story about what happened, and how I got away with only a warning. They were shocked, they never heard of anyone getting off with a warning, much less people from out of state. Even attractive girls don't get warnings -- but they do get body searches quite often.
I want to take a moment to point out that women are easily impressed in the midwest. You could probably have a touch of Down's and still be fine. Ok, back to the story.
I'm talking to this one girl named Tara. She's about 22, and sweet as can be. She's telling me about Wisconsin, how the cheese curds are to die for, how this Del's bar makes the best Bloody Mary you've ever had etc. I respond by telling her all about where I am from, giving her extensive information about Washington, D.C. After five good minutes of my stories and fun facts, I figured I'd get a "Wow, sounds cool" or "hmm, I should go out there some time." Nope.
In the sweetest, most innocent voice she goes, "Well... I don't know about Washington D.C. Um, there's too many black people there."
Before I even began to figure out how the hell one is supposed to respond to this, I first look over to my right, cringing, to make sure that John didn't hear that. Nope, the two of them are still immersed in conversation. Ok, good. Now all I have to do is set this girl straight. Yes, I will lecture her about the fact that the South lost the civil war! I will tell her that ignorance breeds fear which breeds hatred! I will implore her to educate herself and apply the knowledge to become more accepting of different cultures!!
Ok, here goes...
YDH: Uhh. So the cheese curds, huh? I gotta get me some before I leave.
Come on. Let's be reasonable, I am not going to change these people. Let's just enjoy the comedic value of such a large portion of our country being so many decades behind.
-YDH
I just want to congratulate myself for the tremendous amount of effort I have been putting into updating my web writings. I couldn't have done it without me.
So, the next leg of my seemingly endless travel was to La Crosse, Wisconsin. I must be honest with you all, I was certainly not looking forward to going to any place out in the midwest, much less one in Wisconsin. Let me tell you, I was pleasantly surprised with an entertaining week.
The people out there are some of the friendliest people you will ever meet. Seriously, nobody is in a rush, people will stop and chat about anything and everything, and are polite. Yeah, what I'm saying is that you coastal people are dicks. Get this, people actually slow down when you put your turn signal on and let you in. I was extremely surprised by such behavior, and due to my NJ and DC road habits, I thought it was a trap. No sir, just some good old-fashioned courtesy.
Let's see, what else makes La Crosse, WI special? Well, it just so happens that at one point in recent history, La Crosse was ranked #1 in the Guinness Book of World Records for MOST BARS IN A ONE MILE STRETCH. Yes, YDH has found a home in the midwest. More on the bar scene shortly.
I was traveling with a different coworker this time. Guy named Dan, probably in his late fifties or so. Good guy. On the client side was this guy named John. I would describe him as a pretty cool guy, late thirties, black. I mention the latter because, well, remember where we are. Anyway, since I'm traveling with a somewhat different age demographic this time, I adopted a system for the week where I would go out with these guys in the early evening, then drop them off, then go out on my own later.
One of the nights we all went out together, I was driving us out to 3rd street, where all of the bars are. I was driving what I felt was a reasonable speed on the main drag. Suddenly, on come the lights behind me, and I get pulled over. Yep. I'm about to experience the midwest's version of the "law". Dan and John are finding this amusing. I am pissed. To make matters worse, a beat up Oldsmobile with a unicycle attached to the back drives past, and the driver yells, "Ha haaaa!" It would seem as though Wisconsin has a real-life Nelson.
Out of the car comes a rather obese cop. Takes my license, and returns to his car. 43 in a 25. Apparently no road in the state is much above the speed of 25. I was convinced that this cop is going to write me the worst ticket simply due to the fact that he had to walk his fat ass from his car to mine and back. After a good ten minutes, he finally returns with my license and a yellow piece of paper in his hand.
Dammit.
Cop: Your license is about to expire.
YDH: Yes, in honor of my 26th birthday I might add.
(He no-sells the joke. Good for him.. in retrospect, it wasn't that funny)
Cop: I'm giving you a warning.
YDH: !!!!!!!!
Ok, first of all, I was out of state. Waaaaay out of state. Second of all, I look like a douchebag such that if any of you were a cop, you would NEVER give me a warning. It was especially bad this evening: Hair pulled into a pony-tail, hawaiian shirt, visor on backwards. Yeah. The complete antithesis of the traffic warning candidate.
He informed me that if he did in fact write me a ticket that it would have been for $150. Ok, fair enough. He went on to say that I would have been required to pay it on the spot.. or go to jail. What?! Yes, apparently in a state such as WI, they have no way to force an out of state dmv to enforce their tickets, so they collect on the spot or they haul your ass off to jail. Welcome to the midwest.
We continued to the bar as I keep my eyes peeled for Nelson in hopes that I could show him my warning and tell him that he can take his "ha haaa" and poke his grundle with it. No such luck. He must have switched over to his unicycle.
We arrive at this bar called Del's, a pretty cool place where most of the college kids hung out. Dan was to the right of me, and John to his right. Three rather attractive girls sit down to my left, and notice the warning that is sitting next to my beer, and inquire about it. I tell them the story about what happened, and how I got away with only a warning. They were shocked, they never heard of anyone getting off with a warning, much less people from out of state. Even attractive girls don't get warnings -- but they do get body searches quite often.
I want to take a moment to point out that women are easily impressed in the midwest. You could probably have a touch of Down's and still be fine. Ok, back to the story.
I'm talking to this one girl named Tara. She's about 22, and sweet as can be. She's telling me about Wisconsin, how the cheese curds are to die for, how this Del's bar makes the best Bloody Mary you've ever had etc. I respond by telling her all about where I am from, giving her extensive information about Washington, D.C. After five good minutes of my stories and fun facts, I figured I'd get a "Wow, sounds cool" or "hmm, I should go out there some time." Nope.
In the sweetest, most innocent voice she goes, "Well... I don't know about Washington D.C. Um, there's too many black people there."
Before I even began to figure out how the hell one is supposed to respond to this, I first look over to my right, cringing, to make sure that John didn't hear that. Nope, the two of them are still immersed in conversation. Ok, good. Now all I have to do is set this girl straight. Yes, I will lecture her about the fact that the South lost the civil war! I will tell her that ignorance breeds fear which breeds hatred! I will implore her to educate herself and apply the knowledge to become more accepting of different cultures!!
Ok, here goes...
YDH: Uhh. So the cheese curds, huh? I gotta get me some before I leave.
Come on. Let's be reasonable, I am not going to change these people. Let's just enjoy the comedic value of such a large portion of our country being so many decades behind.
-YDH
